I have MS

I have Multiple Sclerosis. I was diagnosed in 2002, the week of my birthday. Happy birthday to me! People always ask me what was my first sign; it was Bell’s Palsy. How did I know something was wrong? I couldn’t tweeze my eyebrow!

The entire right side of my face drooped and was paralized. My smile was crooked. I knew something was wrong. After many tests, including a spinal tap (ow) my now familiar neurologist put it down on paper: Melanie Gaunt has Multiple Sclerosis.

I have to say that when I call it MS, I’m okay with it, but if myself or someone else calls it Multiple Sclerosis I get scared. Things seem much more serious, my illness seems much more ominous. I tend to realize the gravity of my situation much more.

My MS friends, for the most part, have progressed more than me, which scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to lose my independence. I’ve realized over the years of life with MS that I have to fight the MS oh so hard and sometimes it wins. Use it or lose it, right?

I’m not saying I don’t have bad days that frustrate me to the point of tears. I do. I’m not saying I’m better than my MS friends. I’m not. But I’m saying that today I can and do fight my MS. Tomorrow? We’ll see.

Some people ask me how I feel about my MS. Well, I have blue eyes, straight hair and MS. I recently realized that in some bittersweet way, I love my MS. It’s like family: I don’t have to like it but I love it nonetheless.

My MS is part of me and it has allowed me to make incredible friendships that I wouldn’t -couldn’t- give up for anything. Sick or not. That is true today as it will be tomorrow.